I wake up each morning, grab the newspaper and a cup of tea and try to make sense of the world. I can’t. The stories generally seem so negative that they are sometimes difficult to read. However, I don’t stop reading because acknowledging that evil and serious concerns exist, I have this crazy idea that in some way I might help.
The title today refers to the feelings people may have for people they don’t know, yet the hurts and losses of others create a personal sorrow. When one experiences vicarious grief they identify with people and want to help in some way.
Over the past few weeks, I jotted down situations which may trigger vicarious grief: mass shootings continue and our country has had 29 thus far in 2023 alone and 550 in the past 17 years. Weather emergencies are increasing: wildfires and tornados bringing losses of homes and safety of families and the incredible heat is becoming dangerous to our health. Critical mental health illnesses especially affecting young adults and young adults. Divided political and societal beliefs leading to loss of relationships between friends and family members. Continued changes in our economy can impact many communities, causing loss of jobs and changes to preferred lifestyles.
That’s not all! Every day, people lose loved ones from dementia and chronic illnesses. And you may not have heard of another concern: as we age, we may lose our memory and our identity, making us feel less relevant to friends and family.
And if these situations aren’t enough, have you heard about the mosquitos in Texas and Florida that have spread malaria to several persons? Note: the information sources about the mosquitos say that a large spread across the country is not anticipated but protecting yourself from mosquito bites would be appropriate.
We don’t have to know the people impacted by these traumatic stories to feel vicarious grief. Anxiety associated with these numerous life conditions can weigh us down, making us unable to live life with the joy we hoped to have.
Many of my friends remind me that we can’t change everything and that we need to identify those things you can be responsible for and leave the rest. Generally, I agree with this, but there are people who wish to help others they do not even know for whom we are not directly responsible. What do they do?
I just finished a nice little book called The Gift of Empathy by Joel Bretscher and Kenneth Haugk. The authors write about the possibility of a world filled with empathy. I have written much in this blog about listening, a key aspect of empathy. Empathy respects persons’ need to express the specifics of their grief, without trying to fix them? So what about you? How about finding someone with whom you can freely share your concern? As the authors write, “What if couples, friends, classmates and sometimes even strangers empathized with one another?” Our world desperately needs empathy and I believe it is something all of us can give.
At Peace 