Reading articles about grief often stimulate an outline for a blog post. I add my reflections on the topic and sometimes share ways in which I deal with my personal grief. By writing about it to others, it becomes a way to mourn because the grief has now gone public.
I recently read about a Japanese garden designer named Itaru Sasaki who mourned the death of his cousin years ago by designing an “unconnected telephone booth” in which he “talked “ with his deceased relative. I understand that hundreds of people have used his telephone booth idea.
I thought about that approach to grief. What a better way to remember someone than talking with them? I actually do this, but without a telephone booth. If I am dealing with a task or focusing on a question in my life, I think of and “talk to” my deceased parents and brother.
When I am folding mountains of just-washed beach and bath towels, I think of my mother who folded hundreds of our family’s towels. I finish the task by “seeing her in our basement, watching television and folding at a good pace.” Mom can be a good listener.
When faced with a difficult decision, my brother Bill would usually say, “What are you gonna do!” This five-word realization was his response to something he’d rather not deal with, but he knew he had to. I think it might have come from his living in New Jersey for so many years. Finding myself in a similar predicament, I often say, “What are you gonna do … right Bill?”
I have a visit with my Dad when I set aside a few dollars in a savings account. I will “tell” him, “I paid myself first today, Dad!” He often used this phrase when I worked my first jobs. I am confident he would be happy.
These activities, as silly as they may seem, connect us with three of the six reconciliation needs of mourners. We acknowledge the reality of the death (1), remember the loved one (2) and in a way, we receive ongoing support (3) from what we learned in the past.
While a telephone booth might not be available, there are ways to fulfill our lessons from others no longer with us. Pain and sorrow from loss do not subside and grief does not fully leave us but we find ways to transfer the messages of special persons in your life.
May you be At Peace!
At Peace 