Right?

I’ve been waiting a while to write this post. This post may be off a bit from the objective of the blog, it does address the subject of listening about which I have addressed as an important part of companioning the bereaved.

I would like to offer a few thoughts about the word “right.” According to Webster’s Dictionary right can be an adjective, as in “correct or fitting,”  It can also be a noun, as in “what is right,” also an adverb, “straight or properly.”  And finally, it can be an interjection, as in “agreed!”

It is this last definition which I would like to discuss. Do you listen to commercials on television, interviews with numerous “experts” on the radio or television, meetings at work, often from leaders, and even sports broadcasters? Most likely you will hear folks saying “right” at the end of a sentence. Last week, I heard a woman being interviewed on the radio completing her part of the discussion with the word “right?” about ten times.

Notice the question mark. She, as others, often speak as if the listener gets a chance to reply, except that they kept on talking, many times not giving the interviewer or listener the chance to say anything. In other words, she is trusting that everyone who is listening, agrees wholeheartedly with her statement.

As I looked up the word as an interjection, I saw that it had an exclamation mark to end the sentence. A person using that “right” is absolutely confident the he or she is correct! These speakers have a need to be right, right?

I don’t mean that these folks need to be arrested or anything like that. However, I do think that a whole lot of people really feel as if they are completely correct in most everything they say. That troubles me, particularly when I never really get a chance to respond with… “ no, I’m not sure I agree with you last remark, could you clarify for me?”

The work that I have done and continue to do in various ways these days stresses the vital requirement to actively listen. Even if the speaker is right, the person listening should have a right to explain their position. And if you are speaking to a bereaved person, you need to absolutely allow them to respond because you most likely cannot help them if you do not understand what they feel.

In the circumstance of being with a person who is grieving, the best thing you can do is simply listen, unless you respond with the words that person just said. After listening to them, if you sense a need to speak, I would suggest that you would follow by sharing their words and then ask them,“have I understood what you just said?’ I have found many people often say, “I said that?” and clarify what they meant. This helps them understand more about how they are thinking and feeling. Now you have shown the humility of caring to hear and understanding, perhaps leaving you both more At Peace.