Our country and our world are filled with grief these days. I’m not sure it is more than usual, but it sure feels like it. Wars, school shootings, deaths from floods and tornadoes to name just a few. I would like to discuss another category with which we struggle, grief resulting from a sudden and unexpected situation.
We know how much the loss of any family members and beloved friends can begin the pain of grief. In past posts I have written on At Peace that we never forget these people but we try to do the grief “work” necessary to reconcile the loss in our life. Most of us can ultimately grasp this reconciliation when people have a safe way to mourn and receive support from others.
But what about the loss not due to long term health situations but are sudden, such as the death due to suicide, or death at the hands of the poor or criminal judgments on the part of others? These types of death bring about a grief which might be categorized as complicated mourning.
My experience working with bereaved families has increased my sensitivity for people who are bereaved when death comes suddenly and unexpectantly. In the past year, a relatively young man, died from a sudden and unexpected accident. His wife is a church member and friend. Her husband’s death required her to make many difficult decisions including her financial future, her consideration of forgiveness related to the situation, tending to her family’s needs, and several other issues she must answer to reconcile her loss.
I have previously mentioned my thoughts about the importance of prayer in the midst of loss and mourning. This example addresses those references. My friend chose to share her prayer requests within the congregation. That openness to others is an important part of recognizing her needs in this season of mourning. I saw my friend recently and I shared with her that I was including her in my prayers. She said nothing, but flashed a smile and shared a quick hug.
Characteristics of grief soften over time when people have a safe place to mourn. Christian author C.S. Lewis in his book A Grief Observed, wrote, “instead of not grieving, grieve not as those who have no hope.” We need others to help us forge a new identity.
I hope and pray that my friend continues to address her needs. She is grasping the reality of the loss, remembering her husband through mourning, developing a new self-identity, and is receiving ongoing support from others in her family of faith.
May she, and each of you reading this post, be At Peace in your grief.
At Peace 