Healing Tears

“Pay attention to the things that bring a tear to your eye or a lump in your throat because they are signs that the holy is drawing near.”

                                                                                    Frederick Buechner

A fellow church member and friend of mine approached me with a question a few years ago that I still think about. He was in his 70’s and had noticed that he was weeping much more lately than ever before. He was planning to ask his physician about this.

I affirmed the importance of visiting the doctor, but told him my reply would come from my training in grief and loss, as well as my faith. I knew my friend’s wife died about a year before and that “grief bursts” may occur years following a loss. I applauded his openness in expressing his emotions, particularly noting that men are more likely to lean toward “being strong” in the midst of loss.

Frederick Buechner is a Presbyterian pastor and author. His quote above reflects his belief that tears, particularly the unexpected variety, may be God’s way of leading us to where we might go next in our spiritual life.

Susan Krause Whitbourne, a professor of psychology and gerontology, writes that as we get older, “we become more likely to view the many angles available for interpreting our life experiences.” She encourages us to take pride in our capacity to appreciate the subtleties of our emotional life.

I decided to conduct my own small survey to a few guy friends and asked them if they have experienced an increase of weeping, particularly in public. These friends are in their late 60’s. Thus far, each of those responses unanimously admit to weeping more now than in the past.

Last Sunday was my 68^th birthday. My local grandchildren were coming to my “party.”  I normally try to avoid birthdays but I knew the twins, age five, and their brother, age three, love birthdays. I was greeted by twin #1 with, “Grandad, you are 68 today. Yesterday, you were 67.” I thanked him for the reminder.

The excitement of these little people gave me such joy, I admit to getting misty-eyed. Joy and sadness can become intermingled. Our tears may be seen as a growth of compassion and wisdom  and that, indeed, would be a blessed gift from our God. With all the loss going on these days, we need help sometimes feeling At Peace. Perhaps we might reflect on Buechner’s quote and have comfort knowing “that the holy is drawing near.”