My mother’s day

On Mother’s Day this month our family came together to celebrate my daughter Erin, a mother of three, and my wife, also a mother of three. I enjoyed the festive occasion celebrating the two mothers whom I love and respect for the role they have play in their children’ lives.

In my career, I worked closely with many mothers whose children died at all ages. I also worked with children who lost mothers at a relatively young age. I encouraged them all to remember their loved ones. Their deep sadness will soften, but never disappear. The loving relationship of memory will always remain and allow them to live well and love well. 

My mother died in 1991, thirty-one years ago. On Mother’s Day, I substitute my wife and my daughter as honorees. My mother remains in my mind, heart and soul. I pray I would have made her proud with my love for my wife, my children and my grandchildren. So, Mother’s Day, as special as it is, is also my mother’s day for me. Mother’s Day Sunday was a time to rightfully show pride to my daughter and for my wife, and a private time to pray with loving gratitude for my own mother. 

For those people who encountered Mother’s Day with some sadness, I wish you peace. If it is because you did not say the words to her you wish you had, you might say or write them now. I believe this reconciliation, even after-the-fact, can do great good. If it is because your mother was not able to show the love you wished, consider forgiveness now.  Parents did what they could with what they had. All our situations are different but a mother’s love, seen or unseen, is like no other.

Women and men, who have lost children or been unable to have children for whatever reason, may feel somewhat empty on Mother’s Day. This too is a type of grief, and is to be mourned. 

Grief does not “reach closure,” and never fully departs, but it is never too late to acknowledge. Find ways to mourn by taking your grief public. Talk with a good friend about your feelings. I suggest the kind of friend who listens without judgement. Honor other mothers you know for the good they have done in the world. Pay respect to your loss in a journal, in your thoughts and in your prayers. Praising, in whatever way feels right to you, can be healing. 

I hope and pray that the sadness of the loss of a loved one on special days of the year be mourned in a healing way, and that you will be At Peace. P.S.: The U.S. has now crossed the horrific threshold of one million deaths resulting from the coronavirus pandemic. May we collectively bring empathy and support to the families of the victims of this virus.