Trust

I have been thinking about the word “trust” over the past few weeks. What or who do you trust? Why? When do you really seek the trust of someone?

A number of these blog posts have mentioned the importance of trusting someone to help you process the grief which comes with the traumatic loss such as a death of a loved one, or other significant losses. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary gives this definition for trust: Trust is an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength or truth of someone or something.

The definition sets the bar very high. The selection of a companion for the grief journey is vital for one’s reconciling the emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Let’s review several relationships of potential trusting folks from a bereavement perspective. Keep in mind, the companion is your choice as all grief is unique:

• Spouses and other family members: For family deaths, these folks are also grieving the loss of this person and may not be in position to be a caregiver for others. 
• You may have trust in a good friend and are comfortable speaking openly and trusting that they will listen well, keep information confidential, and be available.
• A boss has a position in which may be helpful to a bereaved person. (S)he would be one of the first to receive the information about the death. In so doing (s)he would have opportunities to provide comfort, but most likely not the personal companionship needed.
• A professional counselor’s support, of course, would seem to be trust worthy. The bereaved should be advised to check the counselor’s experience working with a client’s  grief. That specialty would be most helpful as the circumstances can be quite complicated. 
• A medical doctor might be helpful since (s)he works with families all the time. However, only recently have medical schools offered courses regarding the discussions of death with families. 
• A faith leader – You would think a pastor, rabbi or other faith-based leader would be a great companion. However, a 2018 Gallop poll states that people trust eight other professionals before clergy. 

You may now be asking – – where do we go for support both initially and over the long term? Here’s my list:

• The Good Friend: obviously you will judge, but the nature of friendship often provides the empathy, compassion and love that hurting people need from the beginning and over the time ahead. 
• Nurses: in the short-term, you may trust in receiving the information and caring support that a nurse provides following your loss. Nurses were the number one trusted profession in the Gallop Poll. 
• Counselors (experienced in grief and loss): these professionals will understand the “ins and outs” of grief, especially for people dealing with complicated grief which is sudden and unexpected.

A best friend who is a nurse and goes to your place of worship might be the big winner! I pray for all who mourn deep losses to be At Peace!